After months of not talking to each other with my mom, her first question shocked and upsetted me JUST NOW.

Yes, i admit bathing at queer hours in the wee hours of the night everyNIGHT is indeed weird and strange for a 19 year old girl; and plus extreme insomnia(that includes not being able to sleep until like 2 or 3plus in the afternoon), but i am not crazy.

Look, i neither work nor am i schooling right now; so basically my life now is super flexible and free now, right? that explained why i am able to bathe in the wee hours of the night; and not sleeping till afternoon time. and when i did sleep, i wake up in the NIGHT. yes, i know my biological clock is badly screwed up. PLUS yes, i am fucking lazy and that's why i still didn't got a job yet; though i promised to apply again for the art school next year. so school will start next year, right?

i need time to find out what kinda job will make me stay and last long too yeah? i'm sick of changing jobs after a month or so all the time. it's tiring and depressing; 'cos you lost your income on the way.

and partly it's because i have had emotional problems dealing with people; that makes me reluctant to go out and MEET people. i'd lost all my friends, so what do you think???

but all these doesn't add up to me being crazy; goddamnit. i think alot, and what i think makes sense to me. it's like enlightenment; yea??

back to the thing she asked me. the first question that popped out of her mouth was;


"Dad said to bring you to the doctor's this afternoon."

"HUH? WHAT doctor?"

"to see a doctor."

"SEE WHAT DOCTOR?! FOR WHAT??!"

i was just out of my bathroom, and i just walked furiously across the kitchen after these few dialogues.


"I'm not gonna see any stupid doctor."

and i muttered 'crazy' as i walked back to my room.


I WAS SO MAD.

I couldn't believe what they're suggesting. fuck it alright, if you think i had a mental problem. i don't need a bloody shrink.

and even if i am really mad, the best remedy would be to send me away from this fucking country and let me live abroad. because staying here is what's making me crazy all the time.


WHAT the fuck??? the worst thing that could happen to you is when nobody fucking understands you and you're being seen as a bloody lunatic.

1. You are attracted to those who have split personality, like cold as ice on the outside, but hot as fire in the heart.
2. In the process of courtship, the approach that would make you feel irresistable is patience, never give up on you.
3. The impression you would like to give to your lover is optimistic.
4. You don't like it when your partner is emotional and/or too moody; and you don't know how to please him/her.
5. The kind of relationship you would like to build with your partner is one which make you feel warmth and in-love always.
6. You are tolerant; you'll try very hard not to commit adultery.
7. You think of marriage as a precious thing. Once you get married, you'll treasure it and your partner very much.
8. At this moment, you don't have the thirst for love, you can't do anything for it, you won't fall for it easily.



God, How fucking True. If only I could be understood like this...

http://naucon.net/misc/tests/love_test01.htm