Sunday, September 30, 2007

Man i'm bored outta my fucking mind. here i am, woke up at around 9pm and sitting in front of the laptop and effing feeling shit. man i don't wanna talk to anyone; but i wanna do something. have you ever felt this way before? wanting to do something but don't know what to do?

watching the people downstairs at the coffeshop smoking and chit chatting away, looking at newspapers; hell aren't they feeling good...

how can i enjoy life simply?

sometimes i really feel i should be a wanderer... if i'm a man; it'll be good 'cos i wanna be a wandering monk. life will be pretty happy for me i guess. sigh...


i really wanna go abroad man.

i really wanna fucking fly out of my windows when i see the planes passed by everytime.... oh.... hell...............................when can i get out of here...

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I love the early morning skies; and the smell of it. It really will get one going if you're feeling bad. Whether it's a gloomy start or a sunny start; it'll make you feel good all the same.

Looking outside my window there's a coffeeshop downstairs, a carpark lot building right in front; and housing estates surrounding my residence. i always observes; when it's the early morning time; and when it gets dark, at night. it'll always remain that peaceful for me as i watch the minutes passed by.

i sometimes think how wonderful it will be if there's someone to accompany me watch the sunrise at the roof of the parking lot building ... it'll carve a fucking deep impression on me man.

it's like 6.47am now? i'm still not in bed. i gotta finish captivity first. and maybe some biscuits... goddamn, menstruation is really not something to be jokin' about... it has gotten my appetite fuckin' hella big man.... and yeah.. i still wish there's someone to realise that with me :)

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Tuesday, September 25, 2007


Zits, insomnia, depression; all kinds of signs. i can't be like this anymore...

've been watching alot of films lately... it isn't stupid; i learnt things out of these movies. they're great. and they make me wanna change.

till now im just gonna go with the flow; i ain't gonna rush things anymore; life is short; taste it, enjoy it...... live it.

every mistake's a lesson. and it'll always be a lesson until u quit it. it's humanly behaviour; accept it and live through it.

and so there's something extremely important for me to do; to find myself right now.

forget your imperfections! it is YOU.

have you ever thought why life turns out for you this way? whether it's good or not; ever wondered? analyse your soul.






hey.... i'm finding myself right now; and...








have you found yourself yet? :)


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Saturday, September 15, 2007

Just woke up; not yet brushed teeth, not yet washed face. And yet i'm talking about issues with a girlfriend. Seriously what is friendship? It has led us to a point where most of us only believe that it is a term made only for benefits.

True or not? you make up your mind. This is reality, and it certainly is cruel, without a doubt; that people tend to have higher priorities than this. True friends are hard to find nowadays, i believed they're extinct, or rather very close to extinction.

While typing over here i'm seriously pondering; don't those people who put up a mask in front of people tired of it? Are you all not tired of hypocrisy?!

Or is it just; relationships are just so fragile?

It's really worth thinking about this if you have a moment of time to spare.

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Don't fight the moment.

You'll just die due to extreme disappointment.

That's reality.

I wanna accept it.

But i don't wanna admit it.

For Christ's sake, tell me what i am thinking over here now is wrong.

Everything will be my fault.

My fault on striking it up.

My fault on trusting too much.

My fault for being stupidly overly dependent.

I really don't wanna admit it; damn!

I'm sorry. For existing in your lives before, and i'm sorry.

For trusting too much.

For hurting you.

I am truly so sorry.

This moment of truth i shall serve it as a warning for myself.

Never to cross the line.

I shall begin healing myself from all these disappointment.

To begin this thing with such a gray manner...

I can't help but think it's just me.

I am who i am... and what i want.. is too much for normal people; perhaps?

I sincerely wish for something true to befall on me.

A beautiful Something. Or maybe unbelieveably A Someone?

I couldn't ask for more.

Just a something to get rid of my grays.

Wishing...


and be understood.


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